Being a digger and a bloke
Life stages - Turning 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80+
Acknowledgements:
- Linder-Pelz, Susie, 'Middle Moves - Taking Charge of your Future', Allen and Unwin, Australia, 1993
- O'Hehir, Bill, 'Men's Health - A working Manual', Openbook Publishers, Adelaide, 1996
- Sheehy, Gail, 'Passages - Predictable Crises of Adult Life',
- Internet Website: http://www.healthology.com, December 2003
Introduction
'One would think, says Esther, watching their friend the
butterfly, that at our age things would be clearer. That life, if you
like, would be even more circular than it is. That options would have
diminished to nothingness. Instead of opening up. As they do. Odd, isn't
it, the way new prospects continue to offer themselves? One turns the
corner, one climbs a little hill, and there is a whole new vista. Or
a vista that seems to be new. How can this be?'
(Margaret Drabble, 1989, A Natural Curiosity)
The human life span has been growing dramatically during the past few centuries. Someone born in the 1700's lived to 35 years. By the year 1900, the average life span was 47 years. Today women can expect to live to 82 years and men 78 years. The most dramatic increases in the age to which people are living is in the number of centenarians. In 1900, only one out of every 100,000 people lived to 100 years; today 8-10 people make it to 100.
How realistic is it to hope that we can affect the ageing process? Many people believe their life expectancy is 'all in the genes' and that the ageing process is little affected by our lifestyle habits. Research has shown, however, that lifestyle and health habits contribute more to longevity and the affects of ageing than genes.
There are different theories of ageing, but generally there are indications that mortality rate is affected by:
- Diet
- Certain vitamins
- Body mass index (BMI - ideally within the range of 21-22), that is our healthy weight relative to our height. (Want to know how to calculate your BMI index - see Vascular Health and Diabetes — Good Fats and Oils Guide).
There is still much research needed to fully understand the ageing process, and how better to improve quality of life and longevity.
Life stages and changes
So how do we change over a period of fifty years and more, from the age of thirty? What are the significant issues that arise that we have to adjust to?
These changes may include physical, hormonal, sexual, psychological, interpersonal, nutritional, economic, social, ecological and spiritual.
There are schools of thought that believe that 'mind over body' has a considerable impact on our health and longevity. Resilience when faced with expected or unexpected life events is an important positive factor.
The holistic approach to health care has become more acceptable today and there is a greater emphasis on creating and maintaining a balanced attitude to health and lifestyle.
Twenty-thirty years ago, it was very clear that people would go through three successive stages in their adult lives:
- Education and preparation for work.
- Work and career years.
- Retirement.
There were once 'rites of passage', where there was an emphasis on allowing men to shift from the role of boy to that of being a man, to engage in the workforce, to prepare for marriage and fatherhood, and to participate in community life. However, it would appear that some males, through reckless behaviour and substance abuse, steer their own pathway to manhood. There are statistics which indicate an over representation of young males involved in traffic accidents, suicides and high levels of drug abuse as part of their rite of passage from boy to manhood.
There are myths about what a male is or should be and these include that he must:
- Be strong
- Be competitive
- Not express emotions
- Be independent
- Be self reliant
- Aggressive.
Today the stages, or 'rites of passage', are more flexible. We may move in and out of paid work, have periods of learning at several stages in our lifetime and leisure throughout. This may occur over several years or more, and we are capable of growing in ways we never realised before. Going through this process we may enter a longer and more stable period in which we can expect relative tranquillity and a sense of regained equilibrium.
A person's life at any given time incorporates both external and internal aspects. External aspects govern how we present ourselves to and participate in the world, and include:
- Culture, ethnic group, and religion
- Work
- Social class
- Family
- Social/community roles.
The interior realm concerns the meanings this participation has for each of us. It involves ways in which our values, goals, and aspirations are supported or violated by our present life system. It is how we live out our personalities and how we feel about our way of living in the world.
The inner realm signals the necessity to change and to move to the next stage. Some of these shifts may be within our control, such as our values and belief system, and others, for example when hormonal changes occur, are not. Our genetic make-up, childhood experiences, and physical and mental health and capabilities all impact on our progress and growth through the life stages.
Changes in values, attitudes and gender roles have given men 'permission' to establish healthier, more equal relationships with partner and family. This contrasts with the traditional dominant role of the male 'head of the household'. These changed expectations may, however, create confusion and uncertainty for many males.
Men used to have one career path and generally, this lasted for a continuous forty years or so. As they reached the age of 60 years, they felt old and were also seen to be old by society. It was assumed that retirement would occur at about 60-65 years because one would no longer be able to be productive. The expectation, as the word 'retirement' means, was for people to 'pull out', take things easy and only take part in leisurely activities.
However, research shows that about 75% of retired people want some kind of work (1 - Noreen Hale, The Older Worker, Jossey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco 1990, p. 36). They want to use their knowledge and expertise, to be productive, in either paid or unpaid voluntary work.
Turning 30 and beyond
The following breakdown of significant events in each decade of life after thirty is a general description of the life stages males may experience.
30's
The dreams and goals we had in our teens and twenties are being implemented
during our thirties. Important new choices must be made, and commitments
altered or deepened. The process may involve considerable change, turmoil
and often crisis. It is for many men a time to settle down and consolidate.
We have more confidence in our own decision-making processes. The values with which we were raised are combined with those we have formed for ourselves. It is a decade when we may question why we have made the choices we have so far in our life and when we may want to change them.
Single people may look for a partner, while married couples may experience 'itchy feet' and seriously review their relationship. The average age for people marrying today has increased to 27 years in women and 29 years in men. Thirty years ago it usually occurred in the early twenties. However, according the Australian Bureau of Statistics, today one in four marriages end in divorce within the first five to ten years.
During the 30's, we may:
- Be happy with the partner we dreamt of
- Relish the satisfaction of our job and be career focussed, with a desire to commence further study
- Develop old and new friendships which frequently become the 'extended family'
- Find ourselves financially committed or enjoy spending our dollars on material items or travel
- Be active in sporting and social activities
- Develop different and more 'friendship-like' relationships with our family
- Be strong and fit and probably sexually active, as the hormones are in full flight
- Be able to bounce back very quickly after a heavy night out or a physical injury
- Decide to have children, while others, and more of them today, prefer to enjoy life without this responsibility.
'Know that it's your decisions,
not your conditions that determine your destiny.'
Anthony Robbins, Awakens the Giant Within
40's
- Take responsibility for learning and planning, be it family or financial
- Review goals and life achievements
- May change career direction and commit to or complete further study
- Apply existing skills and interests to new challenges
- A time for retirement planning and securing finances
- Changes in family relationships prevalent, with children finishing school, commencing work, taking on adult behaviours or leaving home and parents ageing
- Possible review of changes in relationship with partner, or changes in partner
- Second or blended families may be created
- A decline in testosterone levels commences and body changes start to occur
- For some men there may be the signs of irritability, mood swings, increased anger and possible depression, which can last over two decades unless treated appropriately.
'A good life is a process, not a state
of being. It's a direction, not a destination.'
Carl Rogers
50's
- The healthiest group at this age ever
- May experience an increased incidence of disease
- More conscious of and conscientious about maintaining a healthy lifestyle and environment
- Take responsibility for their happiness and personal growth
- More socially aware, value personal rights and choices
- Continue to want to learn, work and grow
- May become more spiritually oriented
- Display a positive attitude about life and themselves
- Want more varied and fulfilling lives and future
- Grandchildren may arrive and parents may need extra care
- Become a more powerful and outspoken political group.
Retiring and growing older is now valued as being a period of productivity and of a pleasurable future in order to maintain health and well being, Not a process of ageing, becoming useless and frail And waiting out the time to die!
60's
- Most people retain their intellectual ability - learning and memory
- With increasing age there is some gradual decline in stamina for physically demanding work
- Slowing reaction times
- Greater awareness of impaired vision and hearing
- May experience some symptoms of incontinence or prostate problems
- Slowing the ageing process can be enhanced by maintaining fitness, nutrition and stress management
- Sound judgement is frequently demonstrated
- Good problem solving strategies
- Still a strong ability to synthesise information and experience
- Tendency to be more dependable in the work force
- Display greater productivity than younger people
- Are good role models
- Married people may have to come to terms with widowhood and single people with remaining alone
- A new relationship with a partner may be formed
- Parents may be lost to dementia or death
- Religion and church attendance may be valued again
- Known politically as 'Grey Power'.
Sexual Activity with Ageing:
'Tri-Weekly,
Try Weekly,
Try Weakly,
Try Remembering'
Quoted by a fit 81 year old gentleman
"My body won't let me get away with eating and drinking like there is no tomorrow; perhaps the doc was right!"
70's
- General decline of intellectual ability - learning and memory - as a result of normal ageing
- While learning is sometimes slower, it in often more effective because older people are task-oriented, have a work ethic and have accumulated a lot of useful knowledge and experience
- Possibly some indications of decline in physical functioning, with a greater risk of falling
- There may be increased symptoms of chronic health problems
- Acute sensory loss is evident
- There may be less interest in sexual activity.
80's
- General decline of intellectual ability - learning and memory - as a result of normal ageing, but still not usually severe enough to impair performance
- General decline in physical functioning and strength
- Chronic sensory impairment and loss more evident
- Some share their ailments with friends as part of their Christmas Greetings!
- Driving a vehicle may no longer be safe, due to slower reaction times.
90's
What has become evident through studying centenarians, who stayed remarkably healthy into their nineties, is what personal attributes they displayed. These included:
- Low levels of depression
- Striking ability to cope with, and adapt to, stress and loss
- High intellectual stimulation
- Frequent use of humour as a coping mechanism
- High levels of social interaction and support
- Low rates of obesity, excess alcohol and smoking
Folk at this age are invariably very philosophical about life, have come to terms with 'what is' and 'what will be', and usually miss the sharing of memories with their peers.